my brother still loves me

hey guys
just an update following on from yesterdays post. so i have some good news. my mum had a major operation today and apparently it went well which is great. she should be out of hospital soon, however the medical issue is recurring ,so then just have to hope she can stay healthy for as long as possible. im nowhere near as worried about her as i was, which is a good feeling.

so when i woke up today i sent my brother a text saying thanks for last night. his response pretty much made me cry.

"love u man. yr my bro!! will not breathe a word not even to G. well done to u tho must be tough with telling some people. i think youd be surprised how most people would react. some would be idiots about it, but forget them."

G is his wife, who i have no probolems with but shes not an immediate relative, so id prefer she be one of the last to know. everyone i tell, i want it to come from my mouth. not from someone else. and my siblings and my mum r the ones who need to be told first. ive never heard any of my silblings tell any of them that they loved them, and for him to say last night and then via text this morning that he loves me really makes me feel so much better. there is stil a lot we need to talk about, because as i said, his reaction wasnt completely positive. i tried to tell him about my bf, but he seemed to not want to know anything about it really. but now that he knows, i want him to know everything, and i want him to understand that this wasnt my choice but its just who i am, and after years of turmoil im finally realising that i want to live a happy life the way i am, and eventually i want that to be with the complete support of my family. i want to one day take my bf to a family event, and not pretend he is my flatmate. hell, maybe one day if they ever legalize it here, i might want to get married, and have them all there. these r things that i think about a lot.

so i have 3 more siblings to tell, and my mum of course. i wont be saying anything to mum tho until she is healthy,she doesnt need any stress right now!!!

im not in any rush to tell any of them right now actually. coming out to one of them was the hugest step ive ever taken, and its taken me all these years to finally get the guts to do it. one thing ive learnt thru this whole thing is ive got to do this at my own pace. its defintely a snails pace, but slow and steady wins the race i reckon.

the other thing is, as per usual when i come out to someone, i ws very drunk. it seems to be the only way i can bring myself to say the words. my mum and i dont exactly go drinking together, so when i tell her its gunna be a totally different kettle of fish. a few years ago i found out mum used to smoke a bit of pot occasionaly (only a couple of times as an adult, so mostly when she was a teenager, after all she did grow up in the late 60,s!), maybe when shes better i should get stoned with her and do it that way? haha. seriously tho, its going to be so hard, but its something i really want to do. i just cant live the lie anymore.