They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old;
Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning
We will remember them.
Lest we forget.
Yesterday was ANZAC day here in australia, our day of rememberance for our war veterans and armed forces. both my grandfathers were WWII vets, one has passed on now, the other still marches in the sydney parade every year, even though hes well into his 80's. one of my brothers marches proudly for my other grandfather, as they were very close. i go in every year to watch the parade, and cheer on the ppl who sacrificed so much for the great country of australia. and of course, as is the other anzac day tradition, after a morning of sombre rememberance, plenty of beer is to be drunk in the afternoon.
it was also a good day for me to reflect on what really matters in this world. i also thought about why i originally started this blog. it was for me, and for me alone. as an outlet for my thoughts. as a way to tell my story. although im still really really angry about the whole mikey thing, ive decided its time to move on. there are still many unanswered questions about the whole thing, but im guessing there are some questions that just will never be answered, and i want to focus on the real things in life.
even though i came out to my brother after being inspiried by mikeys story, it was still my decision to do so, and i dont regret that.
everything we do in life has a consequence, so im going to go out and live the best one i can.
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Saturday, April 24, 2010
fuck you, "mikey"
fuck you "mikey" and your fucking lies
for those of you who havnt seen yet, "mikey" the gay hockey player from minnesota, is a fraud
i am so fucking angry, and pissed off that noone has explained fully why/how someone would do this, and who this arsehole really is. this guy inspired most of the blogs that i love, including mine. his post a few weeks ago about how he came out to this younger brother was a major inspiritation in me coming out to my own brother/ and it was a fucking lie!!!!!!
he went as far as to make up brothers. friends. best friends. dogs. parents. hockey games. went asd far as to pretend his best friend was "commenting" on his posts, and even had people asking his best friend questions, and he then replied with answers from this best friend!!!
me and this "kid" also emailed each other back and forth quite a few times, turns out i was emailing some dirty old fucker who was probably laughing every time.
now that this is all exposed, i can reveal another reason why i cracked the shits and stopped blogging. i suspect this is the not the only fake blog out there. i had been emailing back and forth with this other blogger for a couple of months, and something just didnt seem to click right. i began to believe that this person was a fake, but i have absolutely no proof, so i wont reveal which blog i think it is, but it made me realise that ppl arnt always what they seem to be.
to be honest in the past i did suspect the mikey blog was fake, however had become 100% convinced it wasnt . turns out everything was just an elaborate hoax, and i will not believe anything on this blogworld again. at least i know that one person is honest and themselves on here - me. its pretty much impossible to trust anyone else ever again on here
for those of you who havnt seen yet, "mikey" the gay hockey player from minnesota, is a fraud
i am so fucking angry, and pissed off that noone has explained fully why/how someone would do this, and who this arsehole really is. this guy inspired most of the blogs that i love, including mine. his post a few weeks ago about how he came out to this younger brother was a major inspiritation in me coming out to my own brother/ and it was a fucking lie!!!!!!
he went as far as to make up brothers. friends. best friends. dogs. parents. hockey games. went asd far as to pretend his best friend was "commenting" on his posts, and even had people asking his best friend questions, and he then replied with answers from this best friend!!!
me and this "kid" also emailed each other back and forth quite a few times, turns out i was emailing some dirty old fucker who was probably laughing every time.
now that this is all exposed, i can reveal another reason why i cracked the shits and stopped blogging. i suspect this is the not the only fake blog out there. i had been emailing back and forth with this other blogger for a couple of months, and something just didnt seem to click right. i began to believe that this person was a fake, but i have absolutely no proof, so i wont reveal which blog i think it is, but it made me realise that ppl arnt always what they seem to be.
to be honest in the past i did suspect the mikey blog was fake, however had become 100% convinced it wasnt . turns out everything was just an elaborate hoax, and i will not believe anything on this blogworld again. at least i know that one person is honest and themselves on here - me. its pretty much impossible to trust anyone else ever again on here
Friday, April 16, 2010
my brother still loves me
hey guys
just an update following on from yesterdays post. so i have some good news. my mum had a major operation today and apparently it went well which is great. she should be out of hospital soon, however the medical issue is recurring ,so then just have to hope she can stay healthy for as long as possible. im nowhere near as worried about her as i was, which is a good feeling.
so when i woke up today i sent my brother a text saying thanks for last night. his response pretty much made me cry.
"love u man. yr my bro!! will not breathe a word not even to G. well done to u tho must be tough with telling some people. i think youd be surprised how most people would react. some would be idiots about it, but forget them."
G is his wife, who i have no probolems with but shes not an immediate relative, so id prefer she be one of the last to know. everyone i tell, i want it to come from my mouth. not from someone else. and my siblings and my mum r the ones who need to be told first. ive never heard any of my silblings tell any of them that they loved them, and for him to say last night and then via text this morning that he loves me really makes me feel so much better. there is stil a lot we need to talk about, because as i said, his reaction wasnt completely positive. i tried to tell him about my bf, but he seemed to not want to know anything about it really. but now that he knows, i want him to know everything, and i want him to understand that this wasnt my choice but its just who i am, and after years of turmoil im finally realising that i want to live a happy life the way i am, and eventually i want that to be with the complete support of my family. i want to one day take my bf to a family event, and not pretend he is my flatmate. hell, maybe one day if they ever legalize it here, i might want to get married, and have them all there. these r things that i think about a lot.
so i have 3 more siblings to tell, and my mum of course. i wont be saying anything to mum tho until she is healthy,she doesnt need any stress right now!!!
im not in any rush to tell any of them right now actually. coming out to one of them was the hugest step ive ever taken, and its taken me all these years to finally get the guts to do it. one thing ive learnt thru this whole thing is ive got to do this at my own pace. its defintely a snails pace, but slow and steady wins the race i reckon.
the other thing is, as per usual when i come out to someone, i ws very drunk. it seems to be the only way i can bring myself to say the words. my mum and i dont exactly go drinking together, so when i tell her its gunna be a totally different kettle of fish. a few years ago i found out mum used to smoke a bit of pot occasionaly (only a couple of times as an adult, so mostly when she was a teenager, after all she did grow up in the late 60,s!), maybe when shes better i should get stoned with her and do it that way? haha. seriously tho, its going to be so hard, but its something i really want to do. i just cant live the lie anymore.
just an update following on from yesterdays post. so i have some good news. my mum had a major operation today and apparently it went well which is great. she should be out of hospital soon, however the medical issue is recurring ,so then just have to hope she can stay healthy for as long as possible. im nowhere near as worried about her as i was, which is a good feeling.
so when i woke up today i sent my brother a text saying thanks for last night. his response pretty much made me cry.
"love u man. yr my bro!! will not breathe a word not even to G. well done to u tho must be tough with telling some people. i think youd be surprised how most people would react. some would be idiots about it, but forget them."
G is his wife, who i have no probolems with but shes not an immediate relative, so id prefer she be one of the last to know. everyone i tell, i want it to come from my mouth. not from someone else. and my siblings and my mum r the ones who need to be told first. ive never heard any of my silblings tell any of them that they loved them, and for him to say last night and then via text this morning that he loves me really makes me feel so much better. there is stil a lot we need to talk about, because as i said, his reaction wasnt completely positive. i tried to tell him about my bf, but he seemed to not want to know anything about it really. but now that he knows, i want him to know everything, and i want him to understand that this wasnt my choice but its just who i am, and after years of turmoil im finally realising that i want to live a happy life the way i am, and eventually i want that to be with the complete support of my family. i want to one day take my bf to a family event, and not pretend he is my flatmate. hell, maybe one day if they ever legalize it here, i might want to get married, and have them all there. these r things that i think about a lot.
so i have 3 more siblings to tell, and my mum of course. i wont be saying anything to mum tho until she is healthy,she doesnt need any stress right now!!!
im not in any rush to tell any of them right now actually. coming out to one of them was the hugest step ive ever taken, and its taken me all these years to finally get the guts to do it. one thing ive learnt thru this whole thing is ive got to do this at my own pace. its defintely a snails pace, but slow and steady wins the race i reckon.
the other thing is, as per usual when i come out to someone, i ws very drunk. it seems to be the only way i can bring myself to say the words. my mum and i dont exactly go drinking together, so when i tell her its gunna be a totally different kettle of fish. a few years ago i found out mum used to smoke a bit of pot occasionaly (only a couple of times as an adult, so mostly when she was a teenager, after all she did grow up in the late 60,s!), maybe when shes better i should get stoned with her and do it that way? haha. seriously tho, its going to be so hard, but its something i really want to do. i just cant live the lie anymore.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
back for a quick, important update
hey guys
sorry i had to depart so suddenly
things arnt great with my life atm, my mum is very ill. ive barely had time to log online.
ive already lost my father recently and i couldnt bear to lose her now
i need to focus attention elsewhere and have a lot of other stuff happening too.
but i had to do a post, because with everything thats going on (other things too) i made a very rash decision that i had to write about.
i caught up with one of my brothers today (i have 3) who i dont see to often, mostly due to geographical reasons (australia is a big country!)
we went out for a few drinks and got fairly drunk. he was going on and on about trying to meet a girl, and something inside me just snapped. i just blurted out to him that i was gay.
the reaction was mixed. the first thing he said was , he kinda suspected, and he loves me regardless. he said he will support me 100%. what he didnt understand however, was that me being gay was not a choice. he kept asking why i chose that life for myself, and i kept trying to explain with not much success that i did not choose it, nor would i ever.
we left things on drunken terms.
i hope to hear from him tomorrow for a sober reaction. he promised not to tell anyone else in the family
its the biggest step ive ever taken coming out
im not quite sure how i feel. im glad i wasnt rejected, which is how i thought i would be treated for so many years.
im glad he promised to support me no matter what, but im a little upset that he didnt understand that me being gay wasnt a choice.
he also recommended i keep it quiet from other family members for the moment, because he wasnt sure if some others would take it so well
to be honest im sitting here in complete shock that i actually came out to a family member
i dont know what to feel or think right now, but there is a little part of me that feels a slight weight has been lifted. in the words of neil armstrong, one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind.
ill try to do a follow up post soon, thanks for understanding about my recent absence,
sorry i had to depart so suddenly
things arnt great with my life atm, my mum is very ill. ive barely had time to log online.
ive already lost my father recently and i couldnt bear to lose her now
i need to focus attention elsewhere and have a lot of other stuff happening too.
but i had to do a post, because with everything thats going on (other things too) i made a very rash decision that i had to write about.
i caught up with one of my brothers today (i have 3) who i dont see to often, mostly due to geographical reasons (australia is a big country!)
we went out for a few drinks and got fairly drunk. he was going on and on about trying to meet a girl, and something inside me just snapped. i just blurted out to him that i was gay.
the reaction was mixed. the first thing he said was , he kinda suspected, and he loves me regardless. he said he will support me 100%. what he didnt understand however, was that me being gay was not a choice. he kept asking why i chose that life for myself, and i kept trying to explain with not much success that i did not choose it, nor would i ever.
we left things on drunken terms.
i hope to hear from him tomorrow for a sober reaction. he promised not to tell anyone else in the family
its the biggest step ive ever taken coming out
im not quite sure how i feel. im glad i wasnt rejected, which is how i thought i would be treated for so many years.
im glad he promised to support me no matter what, but im a little upset that he didnt understand that me being gay wasnt a choice.
he also recommended i keep it quiet from other family members for the moment, because he wasnt sure if some others would take it so well
to be honest im sitting here in complete shock that i actually came out to a family member
i dont know what to feel or think right now, but there is a little part of me that feels a slight weight has been lifted. in the words of neil armstrong, one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind.
ill try to do a follow up post soon, thanks for understanding about my recent absence,
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