my parents divorce pt 1

id be lying if i didnt say my parents divorce didnt fuck me up a bit.
im going back to the past for this post. a long way to the past. 1992. I am 11 years old. im lying on the lounge reading a book. my brothers are watching TV. my dad walks into the room. he tells me to chuck the book. this sounded important. he just comes straight out with it. i dont remember the exact words. but it was something like. "your mum is moving out. you can either stay or leave with her". he then speaks about her "boyfriend" i immediately knew who that was. i was so stupid, how had i not realised before. my mum had been inseperable from my dads best friend for as long as i could remember . the 2 of them were in business together. my mum had invested all our money into this business, which appeared to be a spectacular failure. they had often spent hours locked away just the 2 of them. i guess i was young and naive and thought it was just business. looking back, i think i already knew the truth. he wasnt really her "boyfriend" . it was just a pure affair. he was married, so was she. i dont think either of them intended on it being any more than that, but the damage was done. they hadnt done a very good hiding it really, as even an innocent 11 year old boy had kinda worked it out. the next day i spoke to my mum for the first time. she asked if dad had talked to me. i nodded. she asked if i was moving with her. i didnt know what to do. she had rented a unit a few streets away. she said she thought me and one of my brothers would come with her. i told her the brother she thought would come had decided to stay with dad . i was so mad at her that i was considering staying with dad too, even though i had always been closer to mum at that age. but the look of disapointment and sadness on her face when i said my brother was staying, made me really feel sorry for her, but still i was still angry too. i said i hadnt decided yet. i didnt want to decide, so i never brought it up again. and noone asked me. then the day came a couple of weeks later when mum was moving. i then was asked again. so r u going with her or not. i was a confused kid, being forced to make a decision i didnt want to make, and i burst out in tears. when i think back, fuck my parents for treating me like that. it wasnt right. you do not force an 11 year old boy to make a spur of the moment choice on who he wants to live with. especially after you have just told him the mum he loves so much has been having an affair. but it doesnt change anything, it still happened. i dont think ive ever properly gotten over that day.