high school friends

wow my head hurts a little today, i shouldnt have had so many beers last night! i wish i could call in sick today but there is so mich going on at work at the moment i cant

ok so more about high school and my high school friends. so as i said i changed schools at the start of year 9. the first year was tough, its never easy making new friends . especially when you have something else constantly on your mind. i made some friends who turned out to be assholes. then in year 10 i made some great friends. some of those people i am still best friends with today. some of them i have slowly told i was gay over the years. however there are still 2 of them that i havnt told. one was my best male friend. i dont see him much as he lives a fair way away from me now , but we talk on the phone reguarly. i was best man at his wedding 8 years ago. i dont know why ive managed to tell so many ppl, but i havnt been able to tell him. i think its because we basically became like brothers as teenagers. its not because hes male, because i have told many of my males friends that ive made since i started telling ppl. i do plan to tell him soon. im sick of avoiding the question he asks nearly everytime we speak ("so have you got a girlfriend yet!) there are other male friends from school who i havnt told either but over the years we have kinda grown apart so i dont think ill worry about them. i have told all my female friends from school, except for 1. im pretty sure that 1 knows, but we havnt spent much time together the last few years due to a huge fight we had about 7 years ago, we really only started being close again about 2 years ago but i dont see her much, just talk on phone. i wont be telling her over the phone. so anyway i guess my friends made high school bearable for me. i was very very good at hiding my sexuailty and how miserable i was about it. None of them had any clue. Ill talk more later about when i told them (first one when i was 20/21) and what happened. so to try and fit in and to try and convince myself i was straight (or at least bisexual) , high school and my late teens was busy trying to get with girls. whenever there was a party i would make sure i pashed on with girls in front of ppl. i actually had no problem with kissing girls, doesnt/didnt repulse me, just did zero for me sexually. i didnt have serious girlfriends, i always made sure that it never worked out. so in a nutshell myh later high school years were a very mixed bag. lots of fun times. but whenever i was home alone in my room away from my friends, i was mostly sad and depressed about being gay. i think i spent many of these hours convincing myself i was bisexual instead. being bisexual was much more bearable. lookinjg back now, i know that i was kidding myself.

time for work, write more tonight. bye for now!