one of the first questions any gay person ever gets asked when they tell someone they are gay is "when did you realise you were gay" . i really really hate that question. i usually answer with "when did you realise you were straight?" they always say fair enough!!!
the truth is, i really dont know. i think my first crush was when i was about 10 years old, on a boy in my class. at the time i dont think it clicked it my brain that this was a sexual crush or that i was gay, but i remember thinking he was very good looking and wanted him to be my best friend. i remember when i was about 12 , thinking about who the good looking guys are in school. but i really think i had begun to realise when i was 12/13 and started high school. i was totally in love with my english teacher. he was about 30, ridiculously good looking with a hot body. i fantasised about him every day, and i think when i first learned how to jerk off at about the same age, he was all i thought about for a very, very long time. i still think about him sometime to this day, even though he would now be about 45 and i havnt seen him for about 13 years. so i knew 100% by this point. however this was the beginning of a 7/8 year period of trying to deny what i knew and convincing myself i was not really gay. this really fucked with my head for a long long time.
im enjoying writing this but am very tired and have to wake up for work in 8 hours so im going to bed now. will write more tomorrow.
cool, i remember when i was around 12 and realizing i was gay along with the 7 years of denial, i also remember when i was a kid looking at the better looking kids and wanting to be best friends :P
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