one major friend i still havnt been able to tell is my best mate from school. i have told quite a few girls from school, but somehow telling a guy i went to school with is so much harder. we have been best mates since 15. i was best man at his wedding. and whilst i have slowly lost contact with most of my other male friends from school, we have always kept in regular contact and remained good friends. we played a lot of sport together as teenagers. oh i am also godparent to his first child (in a non religious way).
a few years back, he heard a rumour from someone that i was gay and had a bf. this was only half true, as i was single at the time, it was a few months before i met my bf. apparantly a girl from school who i had told, didnt keep her mouth shut, and told 1 person, who knows him well, and this person flat out asked him. i rang this person straight away and told them to keep their mouth shut in future!
he rang me that night, and flat out asked me if i was gay. i flat out panicked, and said no. it was so stupid of me, i should have just admitted it there and then, but i was too scared. whilst i dont believe this friend to be homophobic, i was still scared of his reaction. he 100% believed me when i denied it, and he has never brought it up since.
i do plan to tell him soon tho. he lives a couple of hours away these days, happily married with 2 kids. next time i visit, i plan to get us both very drunk (theres no way ill be able to do it sober!) and tell him. i keep putting of my next visit tho, so not sure when this will be, or if i will have the guts to go thru with it
im fairly sure he will be ok, the main issue im worried about is the lies and lies ive used over the years to cover my secret. hopefully he will forgive me for that.
This resonates with me, as i all to well know what it feels like to be consumed by the lies.
ReplyDeleteI am trying to be honest with myself first and the people who matter most to me, then i will try and deal with being honest to the rest of the world.
Wishing you all the best.
www.gayoncemeanthappy.blogspot.com
Most friends do forgive lies when they are given the reason. You valued his friendship so much that you were willing to lie about your life to keep it is one way to put it.
ReplyDeleteit will be fine. you are stressing yourself way too much about this. easy for me to say i know. but trust me. ive been there. and ive changed it. and now im happy. there are still one or two important people who still dont know - but it will happen.
ReplyDeletefor now though - a lot of people are aware. it hasnt changed anything. If anything you are in a much better spot cos you are with someone.
strength.
John- you can do it. And it may take a little time for him to process. And sometimes the things that hurts are closest friends most when we don't come out- is that they found out first through someone else.... he'd much rather hear it from you directly...
ReplyDeletethanks for ur support everyone, appreciated muchly
ReplyDelete